That #1 question that will help you cultivate capacity for life
Tonight, I’m writing to you from the comfort of my bed. My cat is curled up on my lap. The rain is gently lulling us from outside.
Have you ever found yourself just around the corner of the much-needed gas station, but without the means to refuel?
I drive a really old car. It does not have Bluetooth or a USB port, and I find that the radio these days is up to no good. I now realise that driving ends up being my time for reflection since I can’t escape into music. So, here comes another story from behind the little steering wheel of my car.
I was driving home from my practice. Exhaustingly aware of the fuel light that’s been screaming for my attention for the last 4 days.
My house was about 10 km from the office space LIO used. I held my breath during that week hoping I’ll make it until I can refuel.
There is a gas station close to my home. As I was about 2km from my house, I sighed with relief thinking:
‘At least there’s a gas station right around the corner.’
Then, the hairs at the back of my neck stood up as I realised:
There could have been a gas station right next to me…
But my bank account was empty.
The gas station couldn’t bring me relief if there was no way for me to pay for the fuel.
As I sat back in my seat waiting for the green light, I thought.
This is what mental wellness is like.
Sometimes we have this potentially beautiful thing that can happen to us (The Gas Station Around the Corner) but we end up with no capacity (in this case The Empty Bank Account) to embrace it.
I will try and explain my train of thought as best as I can here.
Think about a relationship bank account.
You fall in love with an amazing person. You have the potential to be powerful and healing as you create a life together.
The person is there, and the potential for a great connection and future together is there. (The Gas Station Around the Corner.)
Yet, you struggle to find comfort in the relationship or to live up to the said potential because your capacity is depleted by trauma or pain (The Empty Bank Account).
Now, think about a job opportunity account.
You get the job of your dreams that can open doors for you on so many levels. It’s everything you ever wanted and it has the potential to bring you security, adventure and empowerment (The Gas Station).
Yet, you are struggling with the long hours and heavy workload because your capacity to perform to your fullest potential is depleted by overwhelm, anxiety and physical exhaustion (The Empty Bank Account).
Do you need another example?
Let’s do one, just for fun.
Think about having the opportunity to go on an adventure without an adequate bank account.
You have always dreamt about it. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime.
Maybe, like being able to travel to a different country for work or even just a different city. It’s something you’ve wanted to do since you can remember (The Gas Station).
Yet, you find yourself not being able to enjoy it or feeling disappointed with the experience because you are stuck in old thought patterns and mannerisms preventing the growth that accompanies the experience. (The Empty Bank Account).
Capacity is the maximum amount that something can contain or the amount that something can produce.
In a mental health setting, it refers to your maximum ability to “contain” or hold space for life as it is. It also refers to the amount of yourself you can put out into whatever situation you find yourself in.
So, brave one.
Have you ever found yourself with the prospect of growth/relief/help/opportunity/potential but not having the capacity to embrace it?
Do you know what it is like to really want to go for an opportunity just to have burnout cut you off?
Do you know what it’s like to have the potential to have a great relationship, just to have fear and trauma preventing you?
The harsh truth is:
The prospect of something great becomes irrelevant when you don’t have the capacity for it. – lio
Please read that again. I’ll wait. (Share this quote).
Your capacity, by now you know, is the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual wellness needed to embrace and embody growth/opportunity fully.
Your capacity, or as I renamed it “that bank account”, is something we often don’t know how to take care of. The concept of keeping a healthy flow in and out of that bank account is often lost on us.
The prospect of something great becomes irrelevant if your wellness lacks the strength, skills, and health needed to live it to the fullest.
The secret to benefiting from a gas station is having sufficient money in the bank.
The number one question you have to ask yourself if you want to function at full capacity is this:
What is depleting my wellness bank account?
Make a list of fears, thought patterns, situations, people and behaviours that you can identify as ‘wellness depleters’. Be brutally honest with yourself here.
Awareness gives choice and we only gain awareness through honesty. Got your list?
Now, brainstorm a few ideas on the following question:
What can you do to change or heal the depleters on your list?
The most challenging part is recognising when your capacity is getting low and then knowing how to replenish that mental, physical & emotional account.
What actions can you take to protect yourself from your wellness depleters?
What boundaries do you need? Where can you get support for this? What changes can you make in your routine?
Learning how to discover and cultivate wellness in your life, is the key to living life to the fullest.
Finding the best ways to care for yourself as you make your way home, will forever be the heartbeat of LIO and I love sharing this journey with you!
What are some of your wellness depleters? How do you nip them in the bud? Share it now in the comments below.
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