What you need to stop abandoning yourself
It’s a rainy January morning and the ripples are dancing on the pool’s surface.
It’s 6 am and I want us to talk about showing up for yourself, shall we?
Did you grow up in a society that taught you that it is honourable to act as if you are less than others?
That daily encouraged you to put others before yourself?
To give your all to others regardless of the cost? Even if the cost is yourself?
Did you grow up in a society that believes you are a good person if you can abandon yourself for the sake of others?
Think about it before you say no.
I grew up with that school of thought. I also lived my life that way. It left me exhausted, alone and lost. Over the last couple of years, I have had to show up for myself in ways that I never imagined would ever be necessary.
Life can sometimes throw us curveballs, leaving us overwhelmed, at a loss and deeply fearful.
I remember sitting in front of my TRE coach about a year ago, saying that my biggest fear is that I will abandon myself in life.
That fear was rooted in evidence of me not showing up for myself in ways that I needed to because I was too busy showing up for others to prevent them from leaving.
So much of our anxiety within situations stems from the fear that we might abandon ourselves to cope with whatever is going on.
Whether we are aware of that fear or not. We often fear that we might have to lose ourselves to keep the ones we love in our lives.
How often do you say no to your own needs and your voice just to “be a good person”?
Since a young age I’ve learned that if the house is on fire, no one is coming back to get you. It sounds cynical, I know, but it is a beautiful reminder to me that I am my sole responsibility.
There is no one to blame, no saviour, no one to wait for. There is just you. You either show up and live, or life will happen to you as a victim.
That statement taught me that taking responsibility for my growth, health, wellness, safety and security is all on me and no one else.
The house is on fire, and no one is coming back to save you.
Who will be there for you?
YOU will.*
You were there when life was so much fun you thought your face will break from all the smiling.
You were there when your life felt like it was falling apart.
You were there when you cried through the night and smiled the next morning.
You were there when you messed things up. You were there when you made things right.
Honey, who will be there for you? YOU WILL.
Learning how to show up for yourself is a committed relationship with yourself.
One where you get to prove over and over again that you’ve got your own back.
That you will not wait for others to protect you, save you, or fulfil your needs.
You will show up for yourself regardless of the ones that are always there for you.
Showing up for yourself is a process of growing your self-trust.
It’s nurturing a relationship with yourself where you vow to be there, no matter what life throws at you and no matter how badly you mess up.
When we trust ourselves, we are saying: I know, that I know that I will never abandon myself at any time or in any way.
If I do find myself abandoned, I know that I will do whatever it takes to get back to myself.
When we show up for ourselves, we are also saying:
I honour those around me for being there for me.
I show my gratitude.
I allow them to support me without giving my power and my responsibility away.
How you need to show up for yourself is always different from the way I need to show up for me.
What does showing up for yourself look like?
- It can look like saying no to things that don’t serve your needs.
- It can look like making small adjustments in your routine to create time for yourself to check-in.
- It can look like making that appointment with a debt counsellor or taking on an extra job to pay off that account.
- It can look like walking away from someone you love to protect yourself from continuous hurt.
- It can be questioning ideas and rules you live your life by to ensure that it is healthy.
- It can be as simple as making yourself a cup of tea when you feel sad.
- Resting when you are feeling overwhelmed.
- Delegating your tasks and sticking to a plan to get through your workload.
- It can be that hand on your heart saying: I’ve got you. I’m right here.
Choosing to trust yourself and then showing up for yourself in a way that will grow that trust can be hard.
It is cultivating a relationship with your innermost vulnerable self.
What will this relationship with yourself offer you?
It will offer consistency, safety, security, calmness, fearless actions and healthy boundaries, just to name a few.
A trust relationship with yourself, a relationship where you show up for yourself, will allow you to live in ways that express your voice, and your light and allow you to make a lasting difference in this world we live in.
Do you often abandon yourself?
What does a trusting relationship with you look like?
Let me know in the comments below…
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Stay brave and as always