What indicators, potholes & your relationships have in common
How do you feel when another driver just cuts you off without indicating or warning?
Or how do you react when a car just suddenly decides to stop right in front of you at a complete illogical place?
We all get a little road rage sometimes, right?
Navigating traffic is a two-sided coin.
If we want balance and safety on the roads, we need to learn how to
(1) read the signs and keep to the rules of the roads and we need to learn how to
(2) communicate to other motorists what we’re about to do because we often need them to do the opposite.
Think about it. If I am at a 4-way stop. I need the other cars to stay put as I cross the road. If I want to make a turn, I need to wait for the oncoming traffic to pass before I can move ahead.
Changing lanes? I need to evaluate where the other cars are and indicate which way I want to move and often someone might need to adjust their speed to allow me to change lanes.
There are certain rules we follow to make sure we are all safe and that traffic flows.
What does traffic have to do with your relationship or communication?
I was stuck in traffic. The area had load shedding again and traffic lights were down. It was almost 8 am and everyone had somewhere to be.
Once the traffic finally started moving it was like everyone wanted to go at the speed of 100, but of course, the cars bottlenecked, and we all had to take turns.
This one blue car was weaving its way through the slow-moving traffic. It was clearly in more of a hurry or just more frustrated with the situation than the rest.
A grey SUV switched on its indicator, carefully checked if it was safe and was just about to switch lanes when the blue car fiercely cut it off without warning or indicating, still fighting its way to the front of the line.
Needless to say, the driver of the grey SUV completely lost it. All the way to the next traffic light these two cars drove next to each other, windows down, screaming and shouting and pointing.
It made me smile a little.
Was this encounter not the perfect expression of how everyday communication tends to go?
Traffic is the perfect expression of communication and relationships.
How often do we end up in extreme conflict situations simply because someone forgot to indicate a move or change coming up?
How often do we end up in conflict situations because of the unwillingness to hold space for the movement of another?
Life is just like these damned potholed roads and broken traffic lights we all need to navigate.
There are certain rules we need to learn regarding communication. There are signals and signs we need to use to communicate what we’re about to do to make sure those around us can adjust their pace, hold space or switch lanes completely.
As if that is not enough, life too sometimes, have power outages, stormy weather, potholes the size of a parking spot and cars with broken taillights.
If we want balance and safety in our relationships, we need to learn how to communicate what we’re about to do as well as learn how to read the signs from others.
There are certain rules we follow to make sure we are all safe and that communication flows.
Just like traffic, communication is a two-sided coin.
(1) The one side is learning these rules and how to use our indicators to tell others where we’re at and where we’re going.
(2) The other side of the coin is learning how to read, understand and adjust to the signals of others.
We are all on a journey. On our way home. We are all growing and developing ourselves. Often we forget that:
Growth and self-development mean change.
Change means a shift in balance around us.
Since wellness = balance we often feel out of sorts when those around us suddenly causes a shift in balance.
We need to reposition ourselves. Get into a different lane, maybe adjust our speed or simply rest at the next pitstop.
Often, we fall out of balance because someone forgot to indicate their next move, just like the blue car did. Or the rain made it hard to see that weak flickering taillight stopping in front of us – ending in a crash.
Communication is not only what I say, but also what I hear.
The other side of the coin is also true. We often fall out of balance because we are unable to understand or to create the space needed for someone to change lanes. Sometimes a pothole in our way makes it impossible to adjust to the other person’s move.
Communication is more than just letting your voice be heard with great articulation. (Which in itself is an art form worthy of practice.)
Communication is also learning to understand the practising articulation of someone else’s voice.
The reality is:
Communication = Connection
The way you communicate creates the pathway for your connection with others. It determines the flow of traffic in your life. It determines the roads you take and with whom these roads connect.
I often hear brave ones say that their connection with others is distorted. It’s always a bumpy road. An uphill trip.
Is your connection with others making you experience road rage on this journey we call life?
Here is something to consider:
Learning communication skills and unlearning unhealthy ways of expressing and interpreting life around us, might just make this potholed life we’re living, easier to navigate.
What are some of the potholes you hit in communication with your loved one? Do you find it easy to navigate communication rules?
Leave your thoughts in the comments below…
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